Top 10 things that scare me.

Since Halloween is closing in upon us, I thought I would share the top 10 things that are scaring me right now. (It changes on a pretty frequent basis.)

1. Fitting Rooms (They are small horribly lit self torture chambers. They would sell so many more clothes if they just put in better lighting. Mirrors that make you look thinner than you actually are wouldn't hurt either.)

2. Seventh Grade Math (Math in general- but since this is what I am expected to help my son with-it gets top billing, followed closely by my daughters 3rd grade math. A frightening truth.)

3. The Inside of My Minivan (I'm just gonna say- there are things lurking under my stow and go seats that no human should see.)

4. Ted Cruz (If I have to explain...let's skip my reasons. Arguing about politics also scares me.)

5. Chicken McNuggets  (Just google a video of the process of them being made and you will know why. Seriously ghoulish.)

6. The Smoky Eye (I attempted to create this look only once-trust me I looked like an extra on The Walking Dead.) 

7. Bald Men with Long Hair (Bald is sexy- rockin' the ponytail with the bald top-horrifying. Embrace the baldness-shave that creepy stuff off. )

8. The Kardashians (They are collectively rumored to be worth close to a billion dollars- so I guess I should be scared of Joe Q public that craves their talentless exploits. BTW- Did you see the cover of Vouge this month with Sandra Bullock- the photo looks like Kris Jenner- the scariest of them all.)

9. Teenage Girls (I suppose I fear them because my son, who is 12 but looks 9, is in love with them. His current crush is 13- twice his size and looks 26. When I first saw her I thought she was a teachers aide.)

10. My Kids Trick or Treat Candy (I even go so far as to have my husband hide it from me- but it haunts me, calling out to me in the dead of night "Find me-EAT ME!!" The Kit Kats are the most evil.)

What scares you???? 

My snowflake

I thought I would share a few quotes from past facebook posts by my brilliant little snowflake Rowan. My boy has such a unique perspective on life. He has ADHD so he can be exhausting at times because his mind goes in 20 different directions at once- but I wouldn’t change a thing about him. (okay well..I would like him to listen to me the first time and not fight with his sister -but I assume that is true of most kids)  Here are a few highlights:

Rowan: "What do you think I was in a past life?" Me: "I would guess you were an adventurer." Rowan: "No...I think I was a Tree." Me: " Why would you think that?" Rowan: "Because I can be all crazy -like when the wind is blowing through the tree and whipping its leaves around. But I can also be very still and peaceful."

We asked Rowan how his day was going to be. This was his reply: "I don't know- I'm going to surprise myself."

Rowan was reading an old Dennis the Menace comic book that Matt had when he was a kid. He put it down and said, "Mr. Wilson was the Squidward of your time."

My sweet boy told me while we were snuggling, “ you are even beautiful in the dark.” (some would say more so...but I took the compliment and chose not to be sarcastic)

"Mom, my childhood is going by too fast. I think I've been wasting it playing video games and computer. Aren't I suppose to be out riding my bike and being free? I need to press rewind and start over. In 3 years I will be a teenager. I'll miss being a kid . Everyone says it's the best years of your life. (deep thinking pause) But I do love video games."

Rowan was acting a little hyper this morning during breakfast. I said "Don't act that weird at school- some of the kids might not like it." He replied quite seriously "what if I give them a variety of weird?"

"I don't ever want an earring. Unless I become a pirate and I really need one.”

He got a magic eight ball for Christmas. We saw him whispering questions to it. Matt asked what he was asking it. He replied "Will Rowan Winston discover a new galaxy? "

He had to fill out a form for a self evaluation- One of the questions was: Do you feel normal? With a choice of 3 answers: Always- Sometimes- Never. He chose Never.

He said nobody in my family is normal and we like it that way.

We do like it that way. I hope I can continue to help guide this special soul (and my equally fabulous daughter)  through the horrors of middle school. Being a little different is celebrated once you make it off the roller coaster of adolescence. Give your kid an extra hug today- it can be rough road sometimes.

15 years...

Today is my 15th wedding anniversary.  In "Hollywood" years it is our 83rd.  Bless his heart for putting up with me.  We are opposites in many ways.  Him: Straight A's @ college prep private school - graduated from Yale with honors   Me: Happy with a C @ a public school- Acting school grad (I had to go somewhere that math was not a requirement)  Him: A driven perfectionist   Me: Let me be kind to myself and just say...I'm not.  You get the picture.  What we do have in common is our sense of humor.  It is after all what got us together 19 years ago.  He attended a Groundlings (a comedy group in LA) show where I was playing a crazy old lady (in full makeup and wig) who owned a card shop in a sketch.  He turned to his friend and said, "That's the funniest girl I've ever seen- I'm going to marry her." (He may or may not have been on some mind altering substance and have a thing for old women...but that is not the point.)  It didn't matter that he had never met me or that I had a boyfriend at the time.  He just knew.  He was right.  Thank goodness he is driven or we wouldn't be blessed with the amazing family we have today.  A lot has changed in all these years. (including my waistline...damn, I can't believe I ever complained about my weight back then)  But one thing has not- we still love each other- (we may not like each other everyday- but who does?!) and we still laugh, even through the hard times.  We want to be together when we are crotchety old folks complaining that our soup is not hot enough during our early bird dinner outings.
 I'm a lucky lady.

Spanx and other random things that are annoying me this week.

   I thought Spanx might be good for my body image. I know they are meant to smooth out any... how do I put this delicately... let's say "troublesome areas" and create a beautiful silhouette. Wearing  Spanx just makes me feel like an overcooked Italian sausage bursting out of its casing. The fat it is "smoothing" has to go somewhere - it will find a place to break free. I once had what appeared to be a third boob poking out on the back of my right shoulder blade.
   Deodorant is annoying me. I have been using the natural kind - without any of the supposedly cancer causing aluminum. Turns out aluminum is what makes deodorant work! I'm all for making better choices regarding what we put on and in our bodies - but I might just have to take my chances and go back to my old reliable Secret. That, or soon I will have no friends and my nickname will be Stinky.
  I'll close with my last annoyance: The gluten-free diet craze - the apparent cure-all to everything from ADHD to zits. I understand some people have celiac disease - that is a true problem - but other than that I'm not sure I buy into it. My son has ADHD and I put him on a gluten free diet once in second grade because I heard it could help with his attention issues. He got so depressed he couldn't have pizza at lunch that he stole a dollar off a girl's desk and ran to the the cafeteria to buy a slice. So being gluten-free actually turned my 7-year old into a criminal. If I cut out gluten - I don't think I would be very happy either.  On the plus side, I probably wouldn't need Spanx.

Media Depravation

I feel like I need to go around with a sign on my chest saying,  "I haven't watched the final episode of Breaking Bad yet- please don't ruin it for me!"  I have one more day left in my week long media depravation.  No TV- No Internet ( including Facebook-gasp) - No books or magazines. It's an experiment/exercise from a book called "The Artist's Way".  The purpose of the exercise is to free up your creativity. For me it has proven beyond a shadow of doubt that I am indeed, a media addict. I've been white knuckling it for these last few days. I'm not gonna lie- I've fallen off the wagon a couple of times. The first time was when a 30% off coupon came in the mail from Lands End. I just couldn't let it go to waste. I had to go online and use it. I convinced myself it was justified cheat- my son needed new uniforms for school and some dressy clothes for the 30+ bar/bat mitzvahs he has to attend this year. I knew an hour later when I was in the women's section placing a pair of khaki "skinny pants" in my virtual cart- I'd gone off the rails. You should know this about me- anything that has the word skinny or slimming in the title- I'm gonna buy it. My other indiscretion happened once again courtesy of the postal service- when my US magazine arrived. (Yes, I torture myself weekly by looking at the perfectly airbrushed size 0 celebrities- but I did buy the subscription for some school fundraiser- so at least my pain is for a good cause.) I had to see Kim Kardashian with her new blonde hair. This (almost) media free week has shown me that I do waste a lot of time, but I have to say I've missed it. I'm not ashamed to admit I like the internet, tv, and magazines. I know they can be mind numbing- that's just what I'm looking for. When I let my mind get too quiet- I desperately miss my parents (I lost them both last year) and I worry too much about things I don't have control over. So sometimes being numb is good- it's all about balance I guess. I just decided I'm going off my media depravation diet one day early-six days is enough. Now I gotta go see what happened on Breaking Bad.