Last weekend I went down to our little sub-basement storage space, only to discover rodents had decided to take over. There was shredded Christmas and Hanukkah paper all over the place(apparently they are interfaith just like us), the insulation had been ripped out of the wall and there were more "pellets" than you can imagine. Lets just say... these rats are regular. I slammed the door shut and screamed for my husband. We had a big job ahead of us. I jumped in the car and quickly sped to Home Depot to procure the items we would need to begin the war. Gloves, masks, bleach and traps- lots of them. My brave husband did all the really hard work-he was down in the trenches for hours pulling out all the long forgotten random stuff we had stored in there. I took what could be salvaged out to the driveway and wiped it down with every antibacterial product known to man. It truly felt like an episode of Hoarders- especially when we discovered Matt's old Intellivison with all the games. (at least there were no dried out flattened cats or used depends- so I guess we aren't that bad)
I took this infestation as a sign that not only did I need to clean out the clutter, but I needed to address the grief over losing both of my wonderful amazing parents last year. It has been trying to surface a lot lately and I just push it down into the storage space of my heart. I'll deal with it later-I've got to make breakfast, pack lunches, plan dinner, go grocery shopping, do laundry, get the kids to school, soccer practice, play rehearsal, art class, music lessons and hundreds of other things. It is hard as a mother of two young children to take the time needed to grieve. Just like the rats found a home in the stuff packed away in the basement- grief has a way of working itself into other areas of your life if you don't face it. Losing your parents is life changing-you become a different person. I'm no longer someones daughter- that is painful. I think I'm going to go to a grief support group. If I put grieving into my schedule-perhaps the rats will go away.
Oh...I am also having complete resistance to all my clutter....but feel unable to move through it and "remake home" since my marriage and family life imploded. My garage is a mess and undoubtedly has rats, I'm letting leaves pile up in my yard and clothes accumulate on the floor of my closet. It seems overwhelming, I used to be that woman who painted her own crown molding - now I look at the filthy carpet and just keep putting off that spring cleaning,
ReplyDeleteWe cannot beat ourselves up about what we're not getting done. Life has seasons and winter is one of them...sometimes we need to cocoon and rest before we become butterflies again.
You will always be your parents' daughter...but with them not physically present, you must become the loving parent for your own inner child. What would they say to you right now?
I would feel blessed to be part of your grief support group - if you ever want to walk and talk or sit on my messy deck and have a cup of hot cocoa, I'm your gal.
xoxo Susan